Some Unfounded Accusations (which may result in legal action against me)

I have to say I feel a bit bad posting a photo of a total stranger here - not because I'm such a tender, caring person but because he a) definitely has an internet connection and could, by some horrible coincidence, see this one day and b) looks like he might like to find out where I live and burn down my house if he sees this.


THIS FACE has put me off internet dating. Before I saw THIS FACE I thought internet dating was pretty shite, and now I'd rather stick my head in a bucket of eels than sign up. The reason I saw THIS FACE is because a friend sent me a dating application on facebook and I thought, what the hell, it's the Christmas holidays, I'm very much single, and a bit bored, so I'll have a peek.

Bad idea - this is one of the better looking candidates it spat out at me. And yeah, looks aren't everything, but this scares the shit out of me. Putting my three years of university-level picture-analysis skills to use I would say this was either taken in the guy's bathroom in front of his steamed up mirror or in his dad's garage in a gentle haze of exhaust fumes. His hair and dodgy stubble demonstrate serious neglect on the personal hygiene/grooming front. The facial expression was probably meant to be a bit sultry but actually makes you want to run screaming from the room. The cropping is close and probably hides a multitude of sins such as bad dress sense and porkiness. I'm not even sure he has a right eye! Using this guide I think he fits into the "Dark, brooding" category, hence The Truth is that he's "Dangerous, possibly a pirate", which is supported by the fact that he is half blind and has a secret pirate eye patch hidden in that drawer where he also keeps his machete, chain saw, someone's amputated foot, and a picture of his mum.

I rest my case.