I haven't had the best time at work since I got back - understatement of the year - but luckily I have a very special author to keep me amused. I've fondly nicknamed him "Polar Wanker" because he's quite high-maintenance. He likes to call me once or twice a week to discuss his book. Other people have discovered email, but not Polar Wanker. He likes a good chinwag.
Well, actually he just shouts at me (but it's kind of in my job description to be abused on a daily basis so it's ok). And I shout back (which is definitely not in my job description). One of the things he wanted to make me do was change all instances of the word 'Polar' in his book to lower-case 'polar's. There were a lot, so I told him to do it himself. He didn't like that.
It's probably a good thing I won't be around long enough to get an Author Feedback form from him. But things are getting better; we've managed to have a couple of conversations without shouting now, and he's realised that emails aren't so bad actually. These emails have caused me a lot of mirth. Not the messages themselves so much, as they mostly go along the lines of "Where are my proofs? Why haven't we published yet? Who got my affiliation on the cover wrong? It's 'Dark Lord of Polar Biology, Random University in Wales'. Get it right, you piece of shit."
But he has a really funny signature block at the bottom of his emails, and it has confirmed everything I ever suspected about him but also revealed his softer side. Firstly, there's a link to his staff page at his University, which has a wicked picture of his chubby happy little bearded self against an Antarctic backdrop - from which I learned that although he looks merry it confirms that bearded men are not to be trusted. He also lists all his research grant money, which is super-interesting. I calculated he got £1,109,810 (I'll just say that again: £1,109,810) between 1997 and 2009. Then I noticed he listed some of the amounts in Euros and couldn't be bothered working out the correct amount.
The best bit of his email signature is this though:
"For an example of how sad my life has become see:
http://www.dtimages.co.uk/ and/or http://www.seaweedpostcards.co.uk/
And for a completely different view of plankton take a look at:
http://www.louiseandsarah.com"
I'm so glad he agrees it's sad to love seaweed and plankton. I'm now thinking of striking up a sarcastic conversation about plankton next time he calls; that might melt the ice...(no pun intended).
N.B. one perk of working on his book are the images, which are sometimes a bit like this and make me smile:
Well, actually he just shouts at me (but it's kind of in my job description to be abused on a daily basis so it's ok). And I shout back (which is definitely not in my job description). One of the things he wanted to make me do was change all instances of the word 'Polar' in his book to lower-case 'polar's. There were a lot, so I told him to do it himself. He didn't like that.
It's probably a good thing I won't be around long enough to get an Author Feedback form from him. But things are getting better; we've managed to have a couple of conversations without shouting now, and he's realised that emails aren't so bad actually. These emails have caused me a lot of mirth. Not the messages themselves so much, as they mostly go along the lines of "Where are my proofs? Why haven't we published yet? Who got my affiliation on the cover wrong? It's 'Dark Lord of Polar Biology, Random University in Wales'. Get it right, you piece of shit."
But he has a really funny signature block at the bottom of his emails, and it has confirmed everything I ever suspected about him but also revealed his softer side. Firstly, there's a link to his staff page at his University, which has a wicked picture of his chubby happy little bearded self against an Antarctic backdrop - from which I learned that although he looks merry it confirms that bearded men are not to be trusted. He also lists all his research grant money, which is super-interesting. I calculated he got £1,109,810 (I'll just say that again: £1,109,810) between 1997 and 2009. Then I noticed he listed some of the amounts in Euros and couldn't be bothered working out the correct amount.
The best bit of his email signature is this though:
"For an example of how sad my life has become see:
http://www.dtimages.co.uk/ and/or http://www.seaweedpostcards.co.uk/
And for a completely different view of plankton take a look at:
http://www.louiseandsarah.com"
I'm so glad he agrees it's sad to love seaweed and plankton. I'm now thinking of striking up a sarcastic conversation about plankton next time he calls; that might melt the ice...(no pun intended).
N.B. one perk of working on his book are the images, which are sometimes a bit like this and make me smile:
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